Perfectionism, Restriction and Small Living

I’ve had this thought swirling around in my mind for awhile and I’m not completely sure how to articulate it but I am going to try anyway. Having lived in 600 square feet as a family of 4 and now in 900 square feet, I can look back at how I handled living in our 600 square foot apartment and I can safely say I lost the plot a few times and was too severe in my efforts to maintain our space.

As an eldest daughter, eldest grandaughter and a “pleasure to have in class” growing up in the 90’s, perfectionism is in my bones. Did it come inherently from my personality or from family dynamics, or the culture? I still don’t know, it’s a very chicken or egg question. Anyway as I have been trying to undo the more destructive qualities of my desire for perfection, I can look back on our living situation and see how I could get carried away trying to live small “perfectly”.

I think in minimalism and living small, the healthy balance is to not have your possessions own you. Only owning what is essential and beautiful so you can spend your time living your life, rather than maintaining, organizing and cleaning your possessions. Living small to keep your environmental footprint small and avoid the excess of capitalism. Just enough space + just enough things = freedom and contentment.

So where I think I lost the plot at times was creating too many self-imposed limits on our space and possessions. Looking back now, I think it was me attempting to have an aspect of control when the world felt out of control. A specific example that comes to mind is me refusing to get a sewing machine because I was sure I couldn’t fit it in our 600 square foot apartment. In retrospect, I absolutely could have fit it. The machine would have to have been stored up high and I would not be able to have a large stash of fabrics (I still don’t store lots of fabrics). The machine would have to be put away and used on our dining table (just like now) but it was totally possible! I wish I hadn’t denied myself this creative outlet because of our space.

Another example is, I would convince myself I couldn’t have a piece of clothing because there was no space. For example, I thought I could have a rain coat but not a trench coat, that would be excessive and wasteful. But now I have both (and wear both plenty) and I feel that I could have had both in our smaller space too. While shopping in excess will make a small space hard to live in, I think I got carried away denying myself things in an effort to live small “perfectly”. This might be an intense statement but I liken the restriction of perfect minimalism/small space living to an eating disorder. Where the act of restriction becomes more important than the reason for the restriction.

Sharing these thoughts here in case you are in that same headspace of limiting yourself for no good reason except to deny yourself small pleasures or comforts. Your home should be a place of rest and peace and should have all the essential things to live your best life. There may be trade offs and compromises in living smaller but please don’t deny yourself what you truly want or it won’t be sustainable, like a crash diet (sorry I’ve really gone too 90’s now, haven’t I?).